Every November, global retailers brace for impact. The inbox fills with 10,000 “exclusive offers,” your design team blacks out the homepage, and someone suggests calling it Green Friday to sound “sustainable.”
It’s chaos. It’s capitalism. It’s kind of hilarious.
Let’s be honest, there’s no avoiding it. If you don’t join in, customers assume you’ve gone out of business. So instead of pretending we’re above it, let’s make Black Friday a little less soul-crushing and a lot more self-aware.
Once upon a time in 1960s Philadelphia, police officers coined “Black Friday” to describe the post-Thanksgiving carnage: traffic jams, crowds, and the vibe of humanity losing its mind over department-store sales.
A few decades later, retailers decided that sounded a bit grim, so they rewrote the narrative “black” now meant turning a profit, not chaos. (The power of language...love it).
By the 2000s, it had mutated into a contact sport: people camping outside Walmart, sprinting for TVs, and occasionally tackling each other over discount microwaves.
Then e-commerce joined the party, birthing Cyber Monday. The concept spread globally faster than a Brat Summer, and now, it’s part of Australian and UK retail calendars too.
The rest of the globe didn’t necessarily ask for it. They just woke up one year and it was there! Surprise!
1. Denial: “We’ll sit this one out and focus on value.”
2. Bargaining: “Maybe just a small promotion… a tasteful 15%?”
3. Acceptance: “ALL STOCK MUST GO. EMAIL EVERYONE. TURN THE LOGO BLACK.”
The truth? It’s not going away. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the absurdity.
Option 1: Freaky Friday
Because at this point, nothing about retail is normal.
Offer one genuinely good deal, one bizarre freebie (like a free potato with purchase...with the cost of living, this is actually a pretty awesome FGWP*), and call it “brand storytelling.”
*Free Gift With Purchase
Option 2: Participation Award Friday
Mediocre deals for realistic people.
5% off, maybe. Better still, a light shrug at checkout.
Tagline: “Lower your expectations and open your wallet.”
Option 3: Flat Battery Friday
The sale nobody remembered to charge for.
Post a half-hearted graphic on the socials, forget the promo code, and say you’re “embracing minimalism.”
Option 4: Frenemy Friday
Partner with a competitor and pretend it’s “collaborative synergy.”
Two brands, one discount, zero dignity.
Option 5: Forgot-about-it Friday
Your sale technically started, but no one made the banner. Look...marketers are busy prepping Christmas! But you tell everyone it’s “exclusive word-of-mouth marketing.”
Laugh first. Everyone’s in the same orbit and your audience knows it’s marketing theatre. They just want a good show (and a great deal).
Stay on brand. A clever tone beats a desperate markdown.
Give them a reason to come back in December. That’s where real profit hides. In the post-sale keep your eye on the hangover, when everyone else is asleep (and exhausted).
Black Friday isn’t the villain. It’s the annual reminder that humans will queue for hours to save $30 on a blender. You can fight it, or you can turn it into something funny, memorable, and actually you.
So go ahead, dim those lights, cue the playlist, and enjoy the most ridiculous holiday in retail.
Because in the end, it’s not about the discount.
It’s about surviving the drama with your brand, your team and your sense of humour, intact.